My mini Schnauzer dog, Einstein, came up and asked for attention. He wanted a massage and a hug and share a loving moment with me. And a gift would be nice too, like the icing on the cake! He has an admirable and permanent policy of always asking for what he wants.

Sometimes it’s annoying, sometimes it’s inconvenient, sometimes his needs are unsatisfied anyway (although he’s a master of the art of perseverance) … but most of the time, he gets what he wants and I’m happy. to give it to you if I can, once you know what it is.

The simple and sweet interaction between us reminded me of the importance of asking for what I want. I have not always known how to do that and have gotten into difficult, painful and frustrating situations because of it.

A few years ago my boyfriend and I were driving across the country on a vacation trip. His idea of ​​a road trip was to “keep driving until you almost run out of gas. Then stop, fill up, take a quick break to pee, eat if necessary, and keep going until you reach your destination.” An agenda, people, keep it moving! “(Wow! I just noticed it’s exactly like my dad’s road trip schedule!)

On this trip, that did NOT work for me. I recently learned the importance of frequent stops, short walks, stretching, and mental and physical gearshifts every hour or so during a road trip.

It keeps the driver more mentally alert (making for a safer driver and faster reaction times). Did you know that observing road markings while driving has been shown to put us in a hypnotic state of mind? It is NOT what you want behind the wheel.

Frequent stops also support our well-being, help revitalize the body, help with circulation … and the great final benefit is that you will arrive at your destination without looking like a hit, but feeling really refreshed.

So before making this trip, I had the conversation with him beforehand. I thought we agreed that we would stop more frequently for sightseeing, peeing, walking and stretching, and taking much better care of ourselves during this trip.

So here we are, he drives, drives, drives … for hours. I kept hinting: Wouldn’t it be nice to stop and buy …? He said “no, not really …” and kept driving.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we stopped for a minute to see the scenery? “No, I’m not interested, you can see it from the car window, right?”

Even the classic, I have to pee: stopping at the next stop wasn’t working … he just kept driving around every possible place, and I got angrier and angrier.

What happened to him? I am a personable and calm person, but I lost it. My stress level was in the red zone and I couldn’t take it anymore. I yelled “Stop this car right now!”

Before it even stopped, I jumped out of the car and ran 50 feet away. I just stood there shaking, shaking and so angry that I couldn’t see well.

When I was able to speak again without spitting or foaming at the mouth, and I knew he was finally listening to me, I asked him. Why didn’t you stop when I told you I had to stop?

With a puzzled look, he said, “But you never told me you should stop. You only asked me if I wanted to stop and I didn’t.”

Wow. Once I calmed down enough to think about it, I realized that he was right.

Every time he thought he was asking him to stop and stop, he used the wrong language. I thought he was being nice when in reality he was just delivering confused, helpless, and ambiguous messages.

I didn’t ask for what I wanted. I didn’t respect myself or empower myself enough to be clear in my communication about what I really needed, what worked for me, what didn’t work for me …

And he had no way of meeting my needs, because my needs were not his and he was not a mind reader.

It was a pivotal moment in our relationship and a defining and empowering moment in my life.

Your animals need to know exactly what you want, otherwise they will be confused. Your needs are often not theirs, and your views don’t always match, either.

When we don’t get what we need and want, it creates significant stress in our lives. And that undermines our health and well-being, and can make or break a relationship.

Empower yourself by deciding right now to make a habit of asking for what you really want, directly, clearly, respecting your needs and desires, using yourself, creating healthy limits.

Something funny happens when you do that. Others will also be able to ask for what they want. And your relationships will have the opportunity to deepen, enrich and enrich themselves.