None of us want to think about it, but the standard definition of a totally successful relationship is the old and traditional “until death do us part.” Every time we love, be it a life partner, a dear friend, a child, a brother, a parent, or even a beloved pet, we run the risk of losing that love.

When you are happy with someone, you often don’t think about your happiness or don’t even fully realize it. You can take your satisfaction for granted. You watch the couples around you fight, or even go through your own struggles, and you realize that you are lucky to have a successful partnership, but you don’t worry about it.

Then comes the tragic event and the world is turned upside down. If it is a long-term illness, the support system that used to be your partner is gone and you should be the support system. All the little things you took for granted become crystal clear in your absence. If death is sudden (i.e. car accident, brain aneurysm), you initially go into shock and go through the necessary horror: identifying the body, making funeral arrangements, notifying people, comforting family, friends, and children and to the monument itself, like a robot, mostly without feelings. Depending on the duration of an illness, you may also experience some of this during that period. It is not until weeks or months after the burial that you actually experience … Grief.

Grief is an organic process, it has its own wisdom and needs a testimony. An understanding friend can be that witness. There is nothing you can do to make this tragedy less tragic, so the pain, anger, and frustration you feel are normal reactions to circumstances. So you go through the stages of grief: shock, anger, searching, depression, and peace. It is normal to feel fear that this will happen again, anger that it has happened, a need for prayer and comfort, bouts of becoming overwhelmed and thinking that you cannot continue, and finally acceptance and understanding that this devastating event is happening. a part of the risky life that all human beings live. These feelings will get mixed up, recycled, and come in a different order.

Then as the shock wears off and the permanence of the loss sets in, some people may feel a little relieved, some will get angry, some will pray or question God, and some will just feel exhausted, disconnected, and overwhelmed. This jumble of feelings includes the phases of anger, searching, and depression.

• If you are inspired to do something hopeful (for example, establish a memorial fund or pray, donate blood, write letters), do so.

• If you feel discouraged, just feel it, it will pass and it may indicate that you need a break.

• If you feel like laughing, don’t worry, it’s a good way to handle tragedy. It often means the beginning of healing.

• If you feel angry, remember that anger is the bottom of love, it is a

an expression of the value you attach to life lost, and very appropriate. But it will also come and go and fade over time.

• If you are afraid, of course you are. We are all programmed to want to live, and dealing so hard with the fragility of life is terrifying. Yes, it could have been you, but humans are resilient and fear will pass too.

• If you feel desperate, it is because you are realizing that life is not under your own control. This is when faith and belief in a higher purpose in life come in handy. If you haven’t discovered a belief in a higher purpose, this would be a good time to look. Talk to the clergy, read philosophy, meditate, pray, and even have them tell you luck. All of these methods of trying to understand the ineffable are imperfect, but they can all help.

• If you need support in your own struggle with these problems, gather friends, family, and neighbors around you. We never need each other more than in times like this. We need to feel part of a larger and safer group. Although you may want solitude from time to time, to collect your thoughts, be careful not to isolate yourself too much.

• Going through the complaint process will take at least a year, maybe several. The first year is the most difficult, because there are special days, birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries all over the calendar. Once you’ve survived each of these once, it gets a little easier.

Eventually you will have survived and healed, and you will be willing to run another chance. The promise of happiness is strong enough that the risk is worth it. You will probably experience some guilt, but know that if your ex loved you, they would want you to be happy. This new relationship will feel even more precious than the old one, because you will know that you will not be here forever. You will have a feeling of gratitude towards your previous partner, for the love you shared and what they taught you that makes it possible to have this new love.