We are all born with the ability to feel emotions in others. It is a basic survival skill for humans and animals. This ability generally declines in childhood as we learn to focus more on verbal cues than emotional ones.

empathic, on the other hand, have a heightened sensitivity to other people’s emotions that continues to develop over time. As other children fail to pick up emotional cues, empathic children are totally overwhelmed by the sheer amount of emotional input they receive in social settings.

Since most parents don’t know if they are empathic, they don’t recognize the signs in their children. It also prevents them from effectively teaching their children how to handle emotional overflow. For a more in-depth discussion of resources for empathetic adults, you can read my articles on this topic here.

emotional intelligence it is defined as “the ability, capacity or ability to perceive, evaluate and manage the emotions of oneself, others and groups” (Salovey and Mayer, 1990). When you teach your children to manage their empathic abilities, you are developing their Emotional Intelligence.

There are three fundamental concepts that must be addressed to effectively manage emotional information.

1. empowerment: Do you control your empathic abilities or do they control you (curse or blessing?)

two. centered: Can you always listen to your own inner self above all (elevate above the chaos)

3. Flow: Does emotional information freely enter AND exit (does it have an exit?)

Is your child an empath?

Children have a different way of managing their empathic abilities. Their available response range is smaller, so they typically choose to be very quiet (as a way to calm the emotional chaos they feel) or act up (as a way to be louder than emotional noise).

Keep in mind that children learn to manage their empathic abilities by seeing how you manage theirs. If you’re empathetic but don’t know how to handle it, get help for yourself first!

These are behaviors that I have observed in empathic children who do not know how to manage their abilities:

• Becomes unusually quiet (often seen as shy) around crowds, but is fine with immediate family or smaller groups. His son is trying to feel empowered and centered by withdrawing from the world.

• He gets out of control physically or verbally when he is with people, but he is calm at home. Her son is trying to find a way out of the overwhelming flow of incoming emotions.

• Resists going to bed or wakes up often. Your child is trying to stay focused while surrounded by the emotional activity of adults.

• Catches all available diseases (cold, flu, ear infections, etc.). Your child is trying to feel empowered to shut down unwanted emotional activity. Being sick is often the only way a child can use to withdraw from social situations.

Of course, this describes about 85% of children. I believe that most children suffer from mismanagement of their empathic abilities. I also believe that more and more empathic children are born every day. So 85% is not a shocking number to me.

The bottom line is: can you help your child lead a happy life using Empath tools? If it helps you, then you are on the right track!

Disclaimer: This checklist is not a diagnostic or treatment tool. I am not a doctor or a mental health professional. Some of the characteristics of empaths can be diagnosed as ADD, agoraphobia, or clinical depression. Contact your healthcare professional if you have any questions, need a diagnosis or treatment for a mental health problem.

To help your child, you need tools that address each of the three concepts (empowerment, centering, and flow). This is a technique I developed with my son.

Empathetic anchoring technique:

When your child is feeling overwhelmed, they often just need a point of reference to stay grounded. You can be that anchor.

1. Calm your own emotions. You can’t be a positive anchor if you’re upset or angry.

2. Say quietly “Look into my eyes” (point to your eyes) and put your hand on his chest. Make sure you have eye contact for the next step!

3. Say “Let’s take 5 breaths together and count them.” Let your child breathe as he wants. You are just accompanying her, counting out loud with each exhalation of her.

Breathing quiets emotional noise, refocuses the mind, and helps kids feel empowered by having something to do when they feel uncomfortable. Includes Empath anchoring it in your nightly routine!