What is it really like to live with Asperger syndrome? Frankly, people with this type of autism spectrum disorder vary as much as everyone else. Last summer, at the great age of my late thirties, I found out that I have Asperger’s Syndrome.

This came after the diagnosis of my son, who also has autism spectrum disorder. Like many others in my position, I also have an older daughter who is not autistic and have been happily married for the past 14 years.

Today we are experiencing a new autistic phenomenon, that is, there are now an increasing number of parents who only realize that they themselves have Asperger’s syndrome when their child is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.

I grew up in a totally different world, that is, in Ireland in the 1970s, where Asperger’s syndrome was completely unknown. If you had this condition back then, there really wasn’t anyone to evaluate you or even a diagnosis available, as this milder form of autism, so defined, only officially became a diagnosable condition in 1994.

So growing up I learned through trial and error how to cope. Australian professor Tony Attwood has a particular interest in studying the psychological makeup of young women with Asperger syndrome. He also feels that the so-called ‘Aspie woman’ learns social rules from her by watching other girls from an early age. Eventually, he claims that she can, in fact, become a master of deception. Often, a woman with undiagnosed Asperger’s has learned expertly how to copy every move, conversation, and mannerism of her non-Aspie friends and associates. Observation and intuition, coupled with being female, often means that the young Aspie woman often presents very differently to her male counterparts.

However, it doesn’t matter how good these girls get at playing the part or as a successful Aspie author once put it in a very well received autobiography, that is, Donna Williams in her book, ‘Pretending to be normal’. Inside the minds of these young women there is an unimaginable turmoil.

Dr. Tony Attwood has also often pointed out in his extensive writing on girls with Asperger’s that these women can certainly act neurotypical, but underneath the facade, these girls are often psychologically very insecure or even unstable. Many young women without an official diagnosis of Asperger syndrome will often develop other problems that can completely mask their main condition. Often to such an extent that this diagnosis is never recognized as the real source of their sensitivity, pain, or distress.

The young woman with Asperger’s Syndrome can often develop a myriad of other problems because they actually have undiagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome. Many female ‘Aspies’, who have never received any early intervention and any kind of ongoing support, unfortunately often cannot bear the strain of continually denying who they really are. Every social interaction must unfold psychologically rather than instinctively until it becomes a harsh and miserable existence constantly living with the pressure of trying to be something you are not.

Unfortunately, pretending to be normal can also lead to the development of personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. Or a myriad of other psychological conditions such as recurring depression, social anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, alcoholism, drug addiction, or anorexia nervosa.

It is very unfortunate that this continues to happen considering the amount of information available on Asperger’s syndrome. While many people may not yet know much about the condition, they will at least have heard of it. There are virtually no people today who do not know at least a few people who are on the Autism Spectrum.

Many people told me that my son was shy, didn’t talk much and wasn’t very sociable because he was just like me. But on the other hand, I always knew that he felt different to me, but I never knew why. However, I knew I didn’t want my son to spend his life wondering why he felt like he was on the outside looking in like I was. Instead, I want my son to know from an early age why he feels different, and in doing so give him a strong sense of self-esteem that will hopefully allow him to grow up fully understanding who he is and how his mind works.

There are still huge financial and bureaucratic barriers to diagnosing children with Asperger’s syndrome, particularly in Ireland. Also, with the current bleak state of the economy, the cuts are taking a huge toll on all children with psychological conditions.
If you look the same as another child, many may think you look a bit strange, but there’s nothing obvious to worry about. What we need to make people in this country more aware of is that an undiagnosed autistic child is very likely to experience severe emotional trauma within their mind growing up and this unfortunately often leads to a low sense of self-esteem. which will affect your whole life.

Children with autism often lack social skills, may have high communication barriers, and often think and feel with great sensitivity. I believe that if you give a child with high-functioning Asperger syndrome/autism the right early intervention, then they can live a rich and fulfilling life. Deny them this help, however, and they will be a burden to the state forever due to the psychological damage they will suffer in their formative years.

Mary is currently a full-time carer for her son Adam, but hopes to return to a part-time career as a freelance journalist and writer in the near future. She is currently blogging about her experiences living with Asperger’s Syndrome in Ireland today on her Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/mary.kellygodley. She is also currently working on a memoir, ‘On the Spectrum’, about her personal experiences with Asperger’s Syndrome and her son’s history of autism.