When I was a teenager, the thing I hated the most was having to listen to what adults told me to do. In my mind at the time, I thought I had all the answers. She couldn’t wait until she was older so she didn’t have to listen to anyone. It was my foolish belief that my parents told me what not to do just to control me and keep me from having fun. My irrational thinking made me despise my parents and rebel. At the age of 14, I was unknowingly on an accelerated path to self-destruction. He relentlessly yearned for independence and respect. Feeling older, I no longer wanted to be treated like a child. I wanted to explore my options and make my own decisions. Times have changed, but the cycles of life remain the same. If you want to reach teens who normally think they “know it all,” you need to try to dethrone their “stinky thinking.”
Teenagers don’t want to be talked down to; they want to be approached with maturity. Young adults typically despise being told what to do. Therefore, to get a better response, give them the freedom to decide how they are going to meet their demands. For example, if you have to clean the house, cook dinner, or take out the trash, don’t just give forceful commands. Discuss the needs with your child as you would with a respected peer, and let your teen set the schedule and plan how they will complete tasks. That doesn’t mean you should let your teen “run the show,” but let him believe that he has some control over how he handles the situation. This will make them feel respected and more mature.
It is important for adolescents to know that their maturity will give them more privileges. The more responsible they become, the more they should be allowed to do independently. This will give your teen an incentive to do the right thing. Remember, most children want freedom more than anything else. If they know that by behaving correctly they will have more freedom, you will gain their attention and cooperation.
When you have to say “no” to something or make a demand, be polite and explain why you made your decision. Remember, most teens hate being told what to do and have a preconception that parents are simply trying to block their enjoyment. Therefore, when you have to make demands that are not favorable to your child, do not have a “do it because I say so” mentality; explain your decision. For example, if you decide your child can’t stay up late, explain why, make her reason clear, and convey her message with love.
“Honey, I know you’d like to party and go out late tonight, but you’ve got homework to do. I understand that right now you may think your homework isn’t important, but it is. To maintain the lifestyle you have now you must get a good job to pay the bills. To do that you must get your education. The more you excel in your studies now, the more freedom you will have when you are older to earn a better living. I want the best for you. I recognize your potential and I know your future It’s going to be great. It’s my job as a parent to help you achieve the success I know you deserve. Let’s work together to achieve that goal.” You could offer this type of dialogue in a warm tone.
Always be open to compromises or suggestions. You can successfully negotiate with your child and get great results. Some may think that negotiating with a child is fun, but it is not. Remember that as your child gets older, they will want independence. If you allow your teen to feel that you trust him and that you have a sense of independence, you will endear him to her. This will help both get more positive results in the relationship. So help your child gain a sense of goal setting and reward her independence with freedom to achieve them. For example, a good grade on a test may be rewarded with an extra hour added to your teen’s curfew schedule. You’ll be surprised how this simple type of privilege, given just once, can motivate a child to be responsible. Consequently, by rewarding your child, you will ultimately motivate him to succeed.
Parenting is a team sport. A coach needs a winning team to thrive in his profession, just as a parent needs to cultivate healthy family relationships for long-term results. Therefore, when developing your parenting skills, be tactful as a coach. Don’t yell at your kids when they make mistakes, be understanding and learn all the facts. Gain an understanding of the reason behind the opposite behavior, so you can help correct the problem at its root. Take corrective action to ensure your child’s safety, but maintain a relationship where your child is not afraid to share the truth. Remember that the truth can always be dealt with, but what you don’t know cannot be dealt with!
When taking disciplinary action, be firm, but always explain your reasoning. Don’t let your child develop his own ideology behind his actions, which can be destructive to your relationship. Explain the terms and conditions of the detention and how your child can win back his trust and regain the privileges that were taken away. Always be the respected voice of reason that your child can count on to be fair and consistent. You want your child to always feel comfortable coming to you instead of going out in search of solutions.
If your teen isn’t receptive to your reasoning, show him a visual example that he can relate to better. Teenagers often learn best through illustrative and practical examples. I have had remarkable success reaching adolescents in a prison speaking group geared toward at-risk youth. I remember walking into a detention center for adolescents where the children were very unruly. As we waited in our seats to talk, to my surprise, one teenager punched the other in the back of the head, right in front of the staff. When the facility’s director scolded the rebellious teen, she replied, “Shut up the @#$%!” I sat in complete disbelief at how rude the boy was. I thought for sure that it would be an impossible task to reach this particular group of children. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I approached the podium to deliver my speech.
After announcing my name, my conviction, and the fact that I was serving 12 1/2 years in federal prison, there was a sudden silence in the room. You could literally hear a pin drop on the floor. I talked to the teenagers as if I were talking to a friend that I care about a lot. I explained my past mistakes and how my lifestyle landed me in jail. I talked about prison life in detail and explained how my colleagues, whom I tried so hard to please, thinking they were my true friends, abandoned me during my imprisonment. Before finishing my speech, I reluctantly glanced at the previously rebellious young lady. She looked at me intently, but it was hard to tell if my message had really reached her.
As the Question/Answer portion of the session began, the young woman raised her hand to speak. In my mind, I thought she would say something rude, but she didn’t.
“I’ve been in and out of detention centers since I was 12 years old. I smoked weed, skipped school, and shopped at my neighborhood stores. Like you, I followed my friends and did things to please them. But, after listen to your story, I don’t want to be bad anymore”, bellowed the girl as she began to cry profusely. “I couldn’t imagine surviving in prison for 12 and a half years like you. That can’t happen to me! I don’t want to live like this anymore!” she said as she stepped off the platform and addressed me. to her seat to comfort her. That moment changed my life. It made me realize that despite my past flaws and mistakes, my story could make a difference! My experience mentoring at-risk youth helped me develop a formula for getting them to accept my advice.
To reach a rebellious teen, you must first overcome the challenge of making him believe that his current behavior or way of thinking is irrational. Yelling and yelling or just making demands will not be enough. When you respectfully enlighten your children about the reason behind your point of view and provide them with clear images that explain your reason for being, they’ll understand! Visual examples will last much longer than your words. Even when you’re not around, an enlightened child who understands the serious consequences of bad decisions will heed your advice, because he understands that it’s really for her protection.
Don’t just take my word for it. Try the techniques written in this article. I guarantee you will be amazed at the results! Not only will your relationship with even the most rebellious teenager improve, but your advice will hit the mark!